Dog Battle

The Sofa

   I'm glued to Olympic TV --- watching champions duke it out. I don't know about you but I really enjoy listening to the stories ---- the behind-the-scenes sacrifices. Wanna hear mine?

   Whenever the Olympics comes around, I think about my good old buddy --- a missionary named Ed Landry. When Ed is around, things get done. If you have a problem, he will pull a solution out of nowhere. I used to go to his home in Manila and we would work marathon sessions producing ministry manuals. Sometimes I would get so tired I would sleep in the living room sofa. One day I found out that their son, Dan, was chosen to play with the USA volleyball team. And Ed and his wife wanted to watch their son play in the Atlanta Olympic games. But, they had a major problem. Like most missionaries, they had very little money. In fact their son had to work delivering bread when he wasn't in school or practicing. The college even nicknamed Dan the "bread man."

    The deadline to raise money before the games was upon them and I remember feeling helpless because my buddy couldn't raise enough money to buy plane tickets to Atlanta. We prayed about it. And then one day when I reported for work, the sofa was gone. Ed, my crazy creative missionary buddy, sold their living room sofa for plane tickets.

   Here's to the athletes who sacrifice to reach perfection and here's to the parents who sacrifice ... yes, sacrifice their living room furniture. TGIF people!

Wisdom from Naomi of N Hollywood, CA

Dog Battle
Contributed by Mike of New York

The Nazis and the Allies realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world, so they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath.

This "duel" would be a dog fight.

The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Nazis found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves.

They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.

After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Allies showed up with a very strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!

Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Allies. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Nazi camp.

All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Nazi dog would win in less than a minute.

As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring.

The Nazi dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Allies' dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Nazi beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Nazi killer dog's tail floating to the ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Nazis approached the Allies, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "Vee do not underrrstund," said their leader, "Our top zientizts und breederz vorked for 5 long yearz vid the meanest, beeggest Dovermans, Rotvaylers and Sayveerian volves, and zey developed an incredivul keeling machine of a dog! Vat Happened?!"

The Allieis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Allied plastic surgeons from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Swimming Pool Donation
Contributed by Tom of Pasadena

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local Olympic swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

Videos of the week:

Copper Clapper
Contributor: Tom of Pasadena, CA

Johnny Carson and Jack Webb do this famous tongue twister routine. It's a contest of who can read their lines without cracking up first.

Paralympics Ad
Contributor: Charlie of New Jersey

One thing I really enjoy with the Olympic season are the creative ads using Olympic stars. This Olympic ad stands out in my book. When you see who the actors are you'll understand why.

Operatic Girl
Contributor: Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Her voice does not match her petite body frame. It's like a canon blast coming out of a little pistol. Just watch.

The Pair of Shoes
Contributor: Tom of Pasadena, CA

Let's end our time together with this award-winning Cairo International Film Festival ... a short story of 2 boys. One with shoes and another without. Have a wonderful Olympic weekend! TGIF!