Dog
Battle Contributed by Mike of New York
The Nazis and the Allies
realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying
the whole world, so they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient
practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath.

This "duel" would be a dog fight.
The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best
fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people
the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay
down its arms for good.
The Nazis found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the
world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the
meanest Siberian wolves.

They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it
the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and
trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.
After the 5 years
were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only
expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

When the day of the
big dog-fight finally arrived, the Allies showed up with a very strange-looking
animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!
Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Allies. No one there
seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against
the growling beast over in the Nazi camp.
All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Nazi dog would win
in less than a minute.
As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center
of the ring.
The Nazi dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As
he got to within an inch of the Allies' dog, the Dachshund opened its
jaws and swallowed the Nazi beast whole in one bite. There was nothing
left but a small puff of fur from the Nazi killer dog's tail floating
to the ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel
let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.
The Nazis approached the Allies, muttering and shaking their heads in
disbelief. "Vee do not underrrstund," said their leader,
"Our top zientizts und breederz vorked for 5 long yearz vid the
meanest, beeggest Dovermans, Rotvaylers and Sayveerian volves, and zey
developed an incredivul keeling machine of a dog! Vat Happened?!"

The Allieis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of
Allied plastic surgeons from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look
like a Dachshund."
Swimming
Pool Donation Contributed by Tom of Pasadena
Today a man knocked
on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local Olympic swimming
pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

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