November
Insight Contributed by Rodney of Manitoba, B.C.

Things
I Learned Living in Redneck Country Contributed by Naomi of North Hollywood
My
apologies to the Hillbillies among us. We know you're not all like this.
--- Raoul
A possum
is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types
of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Redneck Country.

There are 10,000 types
of spiders.
All 10,000 of them live in Redneck Country,
plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya.
If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
"Onced"
and "Twiced" are words.
It is not a shopping
cart,
it is a buggy!

"Jawl-P"?
means, "Did you all go to the bathroom?"

People actually grow,
eat and like okra.
"Fixinto"
is one word. It means "I'm going to do that".
There is no such
thing as lunch.
There is only dinner ... and then there's supper.
Iced tea is appropriate
for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.
We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine
of Redneck Country.

Backwards and
forwards means I know everything about you.
The word "jeet"
is actually a question meaning,
'Did you eat?'
You don't have to
wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is --- you work until
you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons,
you MASH em.

"Yall"
is singular. "All yall" is plural.
All the festivals
across Redneck Country are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect,
or animal.
You carry jumper cables
in your car for your OWN car.
You only own five
spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover
national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local
high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.

Everyone you meet
is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mister (first name).
You think that the
first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy
fit is.

Fried catfish is
the other white meat.
We don't need no
dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, WE CAN DRIVE!!!
You understand these
jokes and forward them to your Redneck friends and those who just wish
they were from this area.
AND one more:
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show that stupid
possum that it CAN be done!
Perspectives:
Reasons to be Thankful Contributed by Joji of Antipolo, Philippines

FOR THE
WIFE ...
who says it's Hot Dogs tonight ...
Because she is home with me, and not out with someone else
FOR THE HUSBAND ...
who is on the sofa being a couch potato ...
Because he is home with me, and not out at the bars.
FOR THE TEENAGER ...
who is complaining about doing dishes ...
Because it means she is at home and not on the streets.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
...
because it means I am employed.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN
AFTER A PARTY ...
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT
FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG ...
because it means I have enough to eat.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES
ME WORK ...
because it means I am out in the sunshine.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS
MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING ...
because it means I have a home.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT ...
because it means I have freedom of speech.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT ...
because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with
transportation.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING
BILL ...
because it means I am warm.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND
ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY ...
because it means I can hear.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY
AND IRONING ...
because it means it means I have clothes to wear.
FOR WEARINESS AND
ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY...
because it means it means I have been capable of working hard.
FOR THE ALARM THAT
GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS ...
because it means I am alive.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO
MUCH E-MAIL ...
because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.
Live well, Laugh often,
& Love with all of your heart.
HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING!
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