Jewish Grandmother

EXPECTATIONS

   It was billed as a big networking event with the participation of 6 different Chamber groups. The decoration was wall to wall silent auction prizes. The caterers were ready for thousands. But sadly, there was only a handful of visitors ... and the huge ball room looked empty. People were going around as if interested in the auction but based on the silent auction lists I read, few really participated. I left early.
   Last Saturday, the Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight of the century brought little satisfaction because throughout the 12 rounds, the taller fighter was running away from the smaller one and avoided an exchange of blows (normally expected in a match) the game ended with a decision from the judges. I am biased towards Pacquiao and when he lost I pondered what happened. Could he have done more? Pacquiao, the shorter of the two, had to gambit getting hit more in order to get close enough to land the killer punch. He wanted to "dance" but Mayweather refused to "waltz." Unless boxing rules changes and rewards the aggressor, the taller player with the longer reach can continue to jab from a safe distance... who cares if the strategy displeases the crowd? It's the guaranteed formula to a win ... a boring win.
    Unmet expectations. We've all experienced that. No matter how perfect we plan things, we sometimes miss the mark.
   Yet even during these "disasters" I believe there are silver linings. Despite the low number of participants in the Chamber event, those who were there did mingle and hopefully something will come out of those encounters. I gave referrals to 2 people I met. Pacquiao lost the game but he succeeded in his other objective --- to share his faith to more people in boxing history.
   Christ's life did not meet people's expectations (in birth and in death) but did he succeeded in his mission? What do you hink?

Wisdom from Naomi of N Hollywood, CA

Dementia or Stupidity?
Contributed by Jeff of Arcadia, CA

ARE SENIORS THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA?
ARE SENIORS THE ONES WHO ARE AGING?

SITUATION ONE
Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)

(And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour)

SITUATION TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)

SITUATION THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVDdrive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

(Keep shuddering!!)

SITUATION FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

(PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!)

SITUATION FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

(Brunette, by the way!! )

SITUATION FIVE

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer ... "

Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency right now!'



(Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.

Don't laugh....it is all true... )

Jewish Grandmother
Contributed by Mike of New York

A Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach. He's playing in the water, she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there... he was swept away!

The grandma holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries: "How could you do this? Haven't I been a wonderful grandmother? Haven't I been a wonderful mother? Haven't I kept a kosher home? Haven't I given to charity? Haven't I lit candles every Friday night? Haven't I tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?" A voice booms from the sky, "All right already!"

A moment later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there. He is smiling and splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.

The voice booms again. "I have returned your grandson. Now are you satisfied?"

She responds ..."He had a hat."

Videos of the week:

A Golfer's Dilemma
Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, CA
WARNING: Strong Language

An interesting situation in the game of golf. What would you do? The language may be a bit crude but I thought it was funny.

Martha Stewart Roast
Contributed by Mike of New York

I didn't know she was that good a "roaster" but she was pretty clever. If not for the laughter of those she was "attacking" I would have thought she was hitting below the belt. Anyway, you decide.

TED Talks: Body Language
Contributed by Denise of Pasadena, CA

Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing” — standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.

Flight of the Bumblebee Acapela
Contributed by Don of Kelowna, B.C.

Here's a cool rendition of this classical gem. Unless you bring an umbrella, don't sit too close to the performers.

What Never to Say to a Creative Person
Contributed by Mike of New York

The next time you speak to an artist, try to be more sensitive. You might be unknowingly insulting. Good lesson here.

Dog Plays Pool
Contributed by Art of Pasadena.

OK, so the guy can play billards better than me. No big deal there. But considering he's a dog, well, that changes everything. TGIF people! And to all the Moms out there, Happy Mother's Day!