Gorilla Suit

March 3, 2017
Underwear

Our joke for today is about someone wearing a gorilla costume. It reminded me about the time I wore a toga.

In college, I was part of a chorus that sang in the Italian opera "Tosca" where the men had to wear Roman togas. We practiced our voices for months but no one "briefed" us how to wear a toga. So, being men, we weren't used to wearing a "dress." Our "skirts" would fly when we ran or jumped. And when we crossed our legs (the way men do) you could tell who preferred briefs over boxer shorts. The girls had a field day – they blushed and giggled all evening.

I remember I forgot to wear clean underwear for that one night performance. Worse, it was loose – the garter had lost its elasticity. And so it was quite chilly "down there" especially when the breeze from an open door blew our skirts up. We joked around about whose legs were the hairiest and the shapeliest. But I was afraid of the jokester who went around lifting other men's togas. It was my worst "naked" nightmare.

My big lesson? When Mom tells you to wear clean underwear, it's not just to prepare for an accident ... it's in case you need to wear a toga.

Clean your plate.
Stand up straight.
Call if you're going to be late.

Brush your teeth.
Comb your hair.
Wear clean undies
to avoid a nightmare.

TGIF people!

The Gorilla Suit
Contributed by John of Whittier, CA

There was an opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days.

He was to just sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would be the wiser, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back of the cage and pretended to sleep.

But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts.

And the man loved peanuts. So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree.

That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts.

"Wow! This is great," he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. He continued to swing on the vine, getting higher and higher and then all of a sudden, the vine broke!

He swung up and out of the cage, landing in the lion's cage that was next door.

He panicked. There was a huge lion not twenty feet away, and it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling,

"Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a man in a gorilla suit! HELP!"

The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said,

"Will you be quiet! You're going to get both of us fired!"

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